he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
