he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize