I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
