ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
