Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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