Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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