I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My life is pants optional.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
