he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
