You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
