the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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