My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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