I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
