new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
