I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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