we're blogging at a bar
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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