Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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