dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
