At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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