why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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