I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
God I need to hump something, right now.
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