Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize