omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish I only lived at night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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