I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry about my life...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
