Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
