we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
