Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Randomize
