He had one of those small greek statue penises
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
