I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
