Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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