I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
