My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
