Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
