what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
