he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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