I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
where are you?
Hypothermia
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
