Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize