I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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