if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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