I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
