so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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