okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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