Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
