I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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