Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
