2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
