i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I would fuck him just for his dog
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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