The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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