Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
