I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
