smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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