You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
