Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize