If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
