he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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