somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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