Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize