____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
