I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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