I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
