Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
