Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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