Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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