im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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