In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
