my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
