New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
