Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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