Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
