Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
