the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
