Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
