I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize