i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Randomize
