Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
