We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
