You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
