Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
