I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
