I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
